The Homeless Guy's 2018 NFL Mock Draft 1.0 -- with 7 rounds of Cleveland Browns Draft Picks!

  1. Cleveland Browns




Josh Allen, QB, Wyoming. 


John Dorsey goes "big fly" with the most criticized quarterback in this year's draft. 


Looking at a field of promising quarterbacks who all have some holes in their game, the Wyoming Cowboy's tool kit is too much for Dorsey to pass up.

2. New York Giants 

Sam Darnold, QB, University Southern California. 

The Giants have the one scenario unfold where they don't consider trading out of the second pick in the draft. 

They pounce on Darnold, who can sit for twelve games behind Eli and learn just how many things that Eli can no longer do effectively as a quarterback.

3. New York Jets (draft day trade Colts)

Josh Rosen, QB, UCLA. 

The Jets suddenly realize that they will be lucky to get a combined six games out of the $25 million quarterbacking combination of Josh McCown and Teddy Bridgewater and trade up with the Colts to get in on the quarterback party, signing the most "pro-ready" QB on the market.   

The price is steep, because Buffalo is in competition for the pick. 

Eli Manning no longer has the skinniest neck in the New York football market.

4. Cleveland Browns (from Texans)

Bradley Chubb, DE, NC State.
 
John Dorsey relives his high school memories of the week leading up to the Sadie Hawkins dance.  The watched phone doesn't ring.  No Broncos offer to come up to take Mayfield.  No Colts deal to come up to take Barkley.  

Dorsey "settles" for selecting the best defensive player in the draft to bookend with Myles Garrett. 
Thanks, Sashi. And a big thank you to Robert McNair for not signing Colin Kaepernick when Watson went down. 'Merica!  
 5. Denver Broncos 

 Saquon Barkley, RB,  Penn St.

The Broncos with their dreams of Allen or Rosen dashed turn in the pick for the guy who is widely thought to be the best player in the entire draft.


Elway already has Case Keenum and refuses to double down by drafting his undeveloped doppelganger in Mayfield.

6. Indianapolis Colts (draft day trade Jets) 

Quenton Nelson, OG, Notre Dame. 

The Colts draft a fat guy.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Marcus Davenport, DE, UTSA. 

Finally convinced they might have enough tight ends on their roster, the Bucs reach to try to fill a team need by selecting the second highest rated pass rusher in the draft.

Davenport has millions of reasons for thanking God that Tim Riggins dropped out of college his Freshman year, leading Davenport to find better football influences.   But the times he did miss.

 8. Chicago Bears 

Roquan Smith, ILB, Georgia. 

The Bears in need of some help in their linebacker corps pounce on Smith at this spot. 

They consider Ridley to pair with Robinson, but decide to upgrade the defense instead.   

Having built its entire brand on repetitive schtick, ESPN dusts off Chris Berman to reboot the Butkus, Singletary, Monsters of the Midway script, while apparently fighting down a belch for the entire one minute delivery.

9. San Francisco 49ers 

Minkah Fitzpatrick, FS, Alabama. 

The 'Niners nab Fitzpatrick who falls to this spot because some NFL teams are not sure of his fit on NFL defenses. 

Kyle Shanahan doesn't need any more help on the offensive side: he made Matt Ryan the MVP and RGIII the rookie of the year, for God's sake -- he's good with whatever. 

'Niner remake their secondary in one offseason and are the surprise playoff team of 2018.   Hey, at least the Browns kept Mike Pettine, am I right?

10. Oakland Raiders

Tremaine Edmunds, ILB, Virginia Tech. 

The Raiders fill a need and John Gruden gets his "grinder" to help shamelessly market his brand and the new chain of sub shops he opens in Vegas.

11. Miami Dolphins 

Baker Mayfield, QB,  Oklahoma. 

The Dolphins reach for the six foot tall Big 12 quarterback, saving Baker a "Brady Quinn" nationally televised plummet. 

In two years time it is the Dolphins' then former front office with the red faces. 

The mental image is Dan Marino retching while Bob Griese holds his hair.

12. Buffalo Bills (from Bengals) 

Mason Rudolph, QB, Oklahoma St. 

The Bills tried to get into the action early, but the Browns' surprise pick of Josh Allen at the top started the chain reaction leaving them on the outside looking in. 

After trading away Tyrod Taylor and losing the game of free agent quarterback musical chairs with A.J. McCarron, the Bills reach big time and Big 12 system quarterbacks are selected back to back into the AFC East. 

The moves enable Tom Brady to continue dominating the division well into his 50's.

13. Washington Redskins

Denzel Ward, CB, Ohio State. 

Down a productive corner in free agency, the Redskins look to fill a team need with Ward, believing that his elite speed will help him become an effective cover corner. 

Maybe someone teaches him to stay in a trail position where he doesn't have his head turned away from the football at all times? Or maybe he sets the NFL record for face-guarding interference penalties in a season? Either way.

14. Green Bay Packers

Calvin Ridley, WR, Alabama. 

The Packers give Rogers his replacement for Jordy Nelson and another weapon to pair with Davante Adams and Jimmy Graham. The big winner, however, is the Packer who gets to replace Jordy when Olivia Munn needs a double date for her girlfriend visiting Wisconsin.

15. Arizona Cardinals

Derwin James, SS, Florida St. 

With the "Honey Badger" headed out of the desert, the Cardinals take James at this spot and know it's stealing.

16. Baltimore Ravens

Courtland Sutton, WR, Southern Methodist. 

The Ravens think of spending a pick on Lamar Jackson here after almost coming to the seasons-long realization that Joe Flacco sux. 

Instead, they close their eyes to the obvious and try to get Flacco some more "help." Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, Ozzie.

17. Los Angeles Chargers

Mike McGlinchey, OT, Notre Dame. 

Meh. Another fat guy. 

18. Seattle Seahawks

Josh Jackson, CB, Iowa. 

Seattle sets out to replace Legion of Doomers -- they absolutely love Jackson's size and ball-hawking ability.

19. Dallas Cowboys

James Washington, WR, Oklahoma St. 

Jimmy wants another weapon for Dak and the 'boys. Jimmy gets what Jimmy wants -- unless it is Roger Goddell's forgiveness or to look less like a Marvel comic villan.

20. Detroit Lions

Darius Guise, RB, LSU. 

With the worst rushing attack in the NFL, the Lions all but give up on the Abdullah experiment. 

Can you believe the Cardinals were heartbroken when they missed out on him in the draft and had to settle for David Johnson in the third round? Scouting ain't exactly a science.

21. Cincinnati Bengals (from Bills)

Mark Andrews, TE, Oklahoma. 

Let's face it, at this point if Tyler Eifert stays healthy for even part of the 2018 season it has to be counted as a bonus. 

Draft day rolls around and the Bengals, as they are want to do, get much media praise for picking the player that Mel Kiper says they should take minutes before the pick.

22. Buffalo Bills (from Chiefs)

Vita Vea, DT, Washington. 

The Bills already have buyer's remorse from the Mason Rudolph pick but manage to make a reasonable selection before the entire draft room says F@&$ it and starts to tie one on. Vea becomes a successor-in-waiting to 82-year-old Kyle Williams.

23. Los Angeles Rams

Rashaan Evans, ILB, Alabama. 

The Rams draft a replacement for Alec Ogletree.

24. Carolina Panthers

Michael Gallup, WR, Colorado St. 

The Panthers finally get Cam Newton a receiver and he turns out to be the second most prolific wide receiver in Colorado State recent history behind Rashard "Hollywood" Higgins. 

Paired with Devin Funchess and Torrey Smith, how can Cam not win MVP this season?  Really Carolina, you spoil him.

25. Tennessee Titans

Will Hernandez, OG, UTEP. 

Fat guy mania erupts to full-blown fat guy lunacy. What happened to the days where teams drafted fat guys in the 5th or 6th round and developed them -- like the Patriots have done for years?

26. Atlanta Falcons

Da'Ron Payne, DT, Alabama. 

Atlanta recoups offseason defensive line losses with Payne.

27. Arizona Cardinals (draft day trade Saints)

Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville. 

The Cardinals trade back into the first round to take the QB that the Dolphins and Bills (and probably a few others) should have selected.

Sam Bradford suffers a broken scapula in the preseason caused by Bradford's financial adviser giving him repeated open-hand blows to the back.  This opens the door for Jackson to start from the jump, leading to his eventual offensive rookie of the year honors.

28. Pittsburgh Steelers

Malik Jefferson, LB, Texas.
 

Steelers secure their quarterback of the future by sending two day 3 draft picks to Green Bay for Deshone Kizer and are freed up to reach a little to draft Shazier's replacement.

29. Jacksonville Jaguars

Dallas Goedert, TE, South Dakota St. 

Because Blake Bortles needs all the help he can get, am I right?

30. Minnesota Vikings

Billy Price, OG, Ohio State. 

This run on fat guys continues.   

31. New England Patriots

Kolton Miller, OT, UCLA. 

Nate Solder is super rich now. No biggie. Pats still have Brady and a 100-year-old offensive line coach to coach 'em up.

32. Philadelphia Eagles

Arden Key, DL, LSU. 

What to get a team that has everything? What about a freak-level talent speed rusher to get after the other team's quarterback.   That sounds about right.

33. Cleveland Browns

Carlton Davis, CB, Auburn. 

John Dorsey continues to remake Cleveland's defensive backfield in his own image -- or his own image of what real football players look like, anyway. 

Rangy, long-limbed corner with press coverage skills and game speed. This guy is gonna be Hanford Dixon's dawg.

35. Cleveland Browns (from Texans)

Orlando Brown, OT, Oklahoma. 

John Dorsey could not give a rat's ass about combine numbers or SPARQ scores. Dorsey is a "football guy" and the eye in the sky and the tape don't lie. Son of Zues it is. Or should we call him the $16 million man -- as that is what this draft pick cost? 

Now put that calculator back in your pocket protector, son and come sit at John Dorsey's feet while he continues to wreck this league.

64. Cleveland Browns

D.J. Moore, WR, Maryland. 

A six-foot-tall wide receiver in the vicinity of Juju Smith-Schuster and Steve Smith. Great hands and a running back build. Competitive A.F. Will play with a chip on his shoulder and show the fire that Corey Coleman has lacked.  Todd Haley's pick.

114. Cleveland Browns (from Packers)

James Hearns, LB, Louisville. 

Loose, limber athlete with developed pass rushing skills. Better as a junior than as a senior. 

Provides the clay for Greg Williams to pour into John Dorsey's "real football player" mold.

150. Cleveland Browns (from Packers)

Daurice Fountain, WR, Northern Iowa. 

Fountain is a tall drink of water at 6'2." (Sorry, couldn't resist.) 

A productive small-school receiver who impressed during practice at the East-West Shrine game with ability to separate in one-on-one drills. Did not receive a combine invite, so he might fly a little under the radar. 

Projected anywhere from the late third round into the sixth round.  A worthy project for the coach who helped develop Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham in college.

Alternative pick: Cedric Wilson, WR, Boise State.

175. Cleveland Browns

Chase Litton, QB, Marshall.

John Dorsey sings "hit me baby one more time" with another super-sized, strong-armed quarterback with movement skills and an intoxicating musk of raw potential. 

Left school too early against all reasonable advice and has a shady background with the ladies. Imagine if that dude ends up in the same quarterback room with Big Ben and the Steelers' in-house chemist . . . eermm, team doctor, I mean.

Litton is a lottery ticket that you will not think twice about if you lose, but that could change your future if you hit.


Do couples in the South just give their sons these names assuming that they are going to be college quarterbacks or do they change their names in middle school?  Same question for couples in the Northeast and lacrosse.

 191. Cleveland Browns (from Patriots)

Martez Carter, RB, Grambling State.

Undersized small school back with explosive athleticism and pass-catching ability. Also can be deployed in the return game. Dion Lewis type. 

The Patriots keep multiple guys like this on the roster for a reason: they don't take up too much space on the sideline and they need the extra room for Shelton there now. Anyway, Carter can back-up Duke's role in the event of an injury and be groomed behind him for when Johnson hits the open market.


The Homeless Guy's 2018 NFL Mock Draft 1.0 -- with 7 rounds of Cleveland Browns Draft Picks! The Homeless Guy's 2018 NFL Mock Draft 1.0 -- with 7 rounds of Cleveland Browns Draft Picks! Reviewed by AT Dawgger on 7:30 AM Rating: 5

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