So you are eager for Joe Flacco? – AI’s frank conversation with the Cleveland sports media

[Mary Kay Cabot,] Six feet six inches tall, two hundred and thirty odd pounds and a rocket launcher for a right arm.  Check, check and check!   Former Superbowl winner and game MVP.  Quadruple and quintuple check!  Fellas, the Browns have an upgrade on their hands.  


[AI]  Wait a minute.   Wasn’t that Superbowl a cool decade ago?  

[Mary Kay] So what?   

[AI] So, season three of Game of Thrones hadn’t premiered on HBO yet.   Are you aware that Flacco is 1-9 in the last 10 games where he’s thrown over twenty passes?

[Terry Pluto,] Who cares, he’s still an upgrade.  

[AI] For context, that’s a win fewer than PJ Walker has with four game appearances this year.  Johnny Manziel even won two games in his nine starts and would have killed for someone like Garrett Wilson to throw to or the Jets' 2022 defense.

[Daryl Ruiter, 92.3 the fan]  Yeah, but P.J. Walker sucks and Johnny was a joke.

[AI]  No argument here.   But you do realize that in three of the four games Flacco quarterbacked in 2022 the team scored 12 points or fewer and that the Jets failed to record double digit points in two of the four games Flacco played quarterback?  

[Zac Jackson, the Athletic] Yeah, but Flacco beat the Browns in 2022.  Remember that?  

[AI] Sure do. I also remember Bailey Zappe beating the Browns.  Huge.   You do realize that the Jets decided to roll with Zach Wilson, Tim Boyle and Trevor Siemian this year after seeing Flacco's act last year, right?

[Zac]  Yeah, what a bunch of dumb asses.  Did I mention Flacco is six foot six?   And he was a first round draft pick, not a fifth rounder like DTR.

[AI] A first round pick in 2008.

[Ashley Bastock,]  Yeah. So?

[AI] So, Flacco was drafted before the final episode of The Wire aired on HBO.

[Tony Grossi, The Land on] But he’s six foot six.  Did you miss that?  A real AFC North quarterback!  

[AI] Yeah, I hear you guys.  A list of other NFL quarterbacks as tall as Flacco includes Dan McGwire (6 ft 8 inch),  Frank Patrick (6 ft 7 inch), Brock Osweiler (6 ft 7 inch), Paxton Lynch (6 ft 7 inch), Mike Glennon (6 ft 7 inch), Sonny Gibbs (6 ft 7 inch),  Scott Mitchell (6 ft 6.5), Marc Wilson (6 ft 6 inch), Logan Thomas (6 ft 6 inch) and Nud Sudfeld (6 ft 6 inch).

[Tony] So what’s your point?  Justin Herbert and Trevor Lawrence are really tall too.

[AI] My point is being really tall doesn’t guarantee success on the NFL gridiron above all else.   A size advantage at some point might become a disadvantage when the quarterback’s head floats over his offensive line like a giraffe and every defensive back can easily read his eyes in their back pedal.

[Nate Ulrich, Akron Beacon Journal] Yeah, but Flacco’s size will keep him from getting passes knocked down, unlike our little quarterbacks.

[AI] Wait, you do realize that Flacco historically gets a lot of his passes knocked down at the line, right?   He had eight knocked down in one game against the Texans once and was near the top of the league in passes batted down multiple times in his career.  In his most recent stint as the every-day quarterback for a team, Flacco had passes batted down twenty times in seventeen starts.

[Steve Doerschuk, Canton Repository] Okay, so maybe Flacco gets a few passes batted down here and there, but with those “man hands” he can hold onto the ball in this cold Cleveland weather.    

[AI] Flacco has proportionately tiny hands.  Only nine inches.  That’s the same as six foot tall PJ Walker.  It is in the eighth percentile of NFL quarterbacks.   He's been a fumble machine.

DTR’s hands are 9 7/8 inches by comparison.  Little Johnny Manziel’s approached 11 inches.   Remember that huge stack of cash Johnny held in one hand like it was a telephone?

[Daryl Ruiter]  Johnny sucked. (Daryl snickers)

[AI]  Yeah, not my point.

[Mary Kay]  Do you have anything positive to say about Flacco?

[AI] Well, I think Flacco’s immobility and lack of time in the system will keep Kevin Stefanski honest.   He’ll have to really commit to run the ball, take a few deep shots on play action, and try some quick game with passes over the middle to Njoku and the tight ends.   Stefanski seems to be at his best when he’s not coordinating for athletic quarterbacks – what he does well seems to work better with the Brissett and Cousins types.

[Daryl Ruiter] Pffff, Njoku and Stefanski both suck.

[AI]  So what is it that gives you all hope with Flacco?

[Tony Grossi] Are you kidding?  Six foot six, first round pick and Superbowl MVP.   We finally got our AFC North quarterback.  Superbowl, baby!

[Daryl Ruiter] Yeah, Flacco doesn't suck!

[Zac Jackson] God, does AI have a long way to go before it takes our jobs!

[Terry Pluto]   You said it.  But I kind of dig the schtick.
So you are eager for Joe Flacco? – AI’s frank conversation with the Cleveland sports media So you are eager for Joe Flacco? – AI’s frank conversation with the Cleveland sports media Reviewed by AT Dawgger on 4:32 PM Rating: 5

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.